decisions Archives -

from past one year (particularly since this time of the year) my life has been a whirlwind! i think i have changed a lot as a person and crossed that age where you make immature decisions, don’t think about what others think about you, where you do your own thing, don’t know who your real friends are and what kind of friends you should make!

it’s been a long year of self-explorations and fighting with my inner demons. i have discovered new traits about myself and i am loving the change and embracing it. well it’s not that i suffered with issues of self- loathing, but i have never been comfortable with what i see about myself in the mirror. this year marks a milestone – i finally understood it is important to be able to be your own person before you become something for someone else.

i’m coming to terms with the fact that i might never be able to engage myself in conversation with strangers or feel absolutely confident to be able to order my food properly. i’m working on changing these things about myself and be okay with the idea of failing before you get something right. there are things that i didn’t know about myself and i felt touched when an outsider discovered rest of my capabilities that can make me larger than who i am right now.

i am not proud of every kink that i’ve brought to the table. however, i am starting to believe that with all the wrong doings you learn to understand yourself as a person and understand the person you want to or don’t want to become and it will help you with all the relationships in your life.

the biggest problem i faced was when i was in my early 20s and i was constantly feeling the need to change myself to fit into a category that wasn’t for me. a lot of people have come and gone and now i realize i shouldn’t have pretended to be someone i am not. working on yourself is all good and nice, but one should never change their morals or interests to depict something that they are not.

a lot of people ive seen become victim of modifying themselves in order to appeal to other person – which in my opinion is arbitrary and temporary. it’s sad, really! but now it’s time I focus on myself completely- love myself and build a strong person inside myself. things will fall into place when they need to – till then be happy with yourself and try and get to know yourself more – trust me, you will never be alone!

Lately I’ve been thinking about how close I am to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. I think I’ve always found myself in this constant battle between my heart and my brain. Talking about brain – it’s a wondrous thing! It makes you think practically, logically, makes you realize the pros and cons of something, something you should know and things you are capable of knowing.On the other hand, there is this mawkish heat of mine – so hopeful, makes me easily depart all the negative thoughts and just do whatever makes me happy-without thinking about anything else. Trust me; there are plenty of gaps in how these two parts work. At least that’s what I feel and it gets really crazy and frustrating when I agree with both of them – when I don’t know which side I am on and I don’t know which path to follow. I’m pretty sure it happens to everyone else too, but sooner or later we have to make a decision.

Decisions – Our decisions define our personality and our character. We are making them all the time and I feel there is no such thing as a good decision or bad decision. Something that is good for someone might not be good for you or the other way around. You just have to deal with it I guess and that’s what I feel about the whole mind and heart thing. It’s very rare when I find myself contented with both of them. You have to compromise with either of the one I guess. I think I am a very emotional person, but I feel it should be the other way around. Being emotional is fine, but it really becomes a pain when you have to make a very conscious and important decision and when you really need to be practical about something. Usually, the haze in our lives is the result of a series of adjustments we make within ourselves and with others.

I really wish I was like one of those people who would just listen either to their brain or just their heart and at least know how they are going to deal with something. They say- “always follow your heart.” I wish it was that simple!

The island of misfit toys..

Battle of hearts and minds