• Musings

    KID INTERRUPTED

    images KID INTERRUPTED

    Being myself was an unheard phenomenon in my life for a long time. There was a time in my life where I always tried to be around many people to ensure something is always happening but never truly being myself. Because why not? I always thought of myself as an awkward kid or situations made me feel so. I was one of those kids who would never raise their hand in the class or would turn red if someone asks them anything. I still do. As I’ve gotten older, I have realised the way I connect with people is different from how people (specifically women) might usually do in the city I live in.

    My friends in school would stay at each other’s house, watch movies together, seem to enjoy each others company and have a lot of fun. Me on the other hand, I was never a first bencher or a studious kid who generally get bullied by other kids, I was a quiet kid with hardly any friends. I couldn’t relate to people in my school life and things were the same in college. Guys on the other hand were more relatable – because they don’t talk about crushes and heartbreaks and other useless shit. I was more fascinated by someone talking about some sort of music, or movies or a new place or something that would expand my knowledge in some way if nothing else. I never cared about going to parties as much as my friends did until I became friends with people who liked it a lot and I forced myself to fit in because honestly I didn’t want to lose my friends.  I forced myself to do things I wont be interested in otherwise. But you can’t drag yourself too much my friend, there comes a point when you are done with it and thats what happened with me because I didn’t feel like myself and I wasn’t happy with what I was becoming. Everyone around me seemed to fit together like an awesome jigsaw puzzle, and I somehow didn’t.

    images KID INTERRUPTED
    That’s not how I pictured my life to be, I fantasised about finding a cool group of friends who would sit on a sunny afternoon in a park and talk about (honestly in Chandigarh) anything other than relationships, OTHER PEOPLE AND MONEY. I am really happy for a few good friends that I met in college/work and the fact that we are still good friends. But I still miss that like-mindedness and hobbies to share. Initially I use to feel there is something wrong with me, but I’ve made my peace with it. Now I feel happy with the fact that I’m comfortable with myself and I don’t force myself into things. I don’t like the pressure of socialising. Unlike most people my source of happiness doesn’t come from socialising. It is really good sometimes, yes. But I don’t come across people I would like to socialize with that often.  The funny part about living in Chandigarh is, (especially for women) even if you come across someone who interests you and you would like to know about them more, you just can’t ask it. You just can’t say – Hey, it was lovely meeting you, I would love to meet again over a coffee or something! Because people think you are weird and they don’t even give it a second thought.

    There are many advantages of being comfortable with yourself. For me, I don’t struggle with solitude. A weekend without plans doesn’t bore me –  I don’t get panicky that I’m not doing anything like other people. Before my wedding, I’ve spent so much time alone that it has helped me define who I am. It helped me to start this blog, read amazing stuff, helped me decide what I want, free from the expectations of other people.

    xx

    Until next time!

    🙂

  • Musings

    ON CONFIDENCE

    cad7c0299502d0545e7c3c3e62b0016ede9cd4507eacae2d9e24ad5f2423f3e0_11 ON CONFIDENCE

    Ahoy-hoy, BE folks. I hope August has been good for you. For me, it has been inspirational. Weather really lifts me up and it’s been beautiful lately. I love this time of the year. It makes me super nostalgic! Remember as kids, we use to get so much advice? Some of it actually turned out to be pretty useful: don’t press your pimples, never take anything from a stranger, early to bed early to rise makes and a man healthy, wealthy and wise, never shop without checking zippers and buttons, and finish your homework and some of it was utter bullshit. I think it’s better to skip it.  But the motive behind all of it wasn’t wrong. Like everyone else, people around us wanted us to have a happy healthy life. But there is this one thing that never fails no matter in what situation you are and that is – fake it till you make it.

    cad7c0299502d0545e7c3c3e62b0016ede9cd4507eacae2d9e24ad5f2423f3e0_11 ON CONFIDENCE

    Don’t get me wrong here – I don’t want you to base your life around a made-up personality. I’m talking about confidence here. Honestly, being an introvert in my early teens, I have faced plenty of issues with my confidence. I still do. I use to think that there is something really wrong with me. I use to get intimidated by situations (it’s still the same) but I just couldn’t let it frustrate me. For a very long time, I avoided being in situations like that (tiny cough). But it kept haunting me and I thought to myself – What am I running away from? And more importantly why? I can just put my I – CAN –DO it intentions out there and deal with it. I’ve improved over the years – a lot needs to be done still though. I still feel terrified of going to a place where I don’t know anyone. But I do it anyway. I do a lot of self-talk and make myself understand – you are a cool person, you know you have something to add. May be sometimes I suck at it – but at least I’m trying. You have to fake it till you make it, honey! You have to give yourself a chance. Choosing to be in such situations does make a lot of difference. Half the battle is won. Literally! Hope this was helpful in some way. 

    Laters!

    xx

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