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In junior school, I was an average student. Not too good in my studies and but I participated in a lot of other activities. I was a part of the orchestra and a marching band. Though I was never studious but I also did’t want to be someone who would want to be pin pointed. In many ways, I just wanted to be non-existent. In class I use to to pray – I hope my teacher doesn’t ask me anything. I hope she doesn’t ask me to participate or read out aloud in front of the whole class. I was very under confident. Everyone around me knew that. In high school, my English teacher use to like me and I knew it. I knew she thought of me as a good kid and someone who will never disappoint her (both in grades and behaviour) But with time I changed. I made some friends and made me feel it’s okay to break the rules. Once I missed her lecture and went out with my friends to hang around. She came to know and she was so disappointed in me. God knows how much I cried that night. I never missed a lecture again in school. I made sure I study hard and get good marks.

I was like that for a long long time. I use to care too much about what people think of me and sometimes I would do things that I won’t like or believe in otherwise. Now I keep hearing things like – be yourself. How are we suppose to be ourselves when the constant thing we do is Change! I’m sure your personality has changed since your birth. If it’s a no, you are lying! People change! People discover more and more of themselves everyday and they change. Priorities change. It’s so funny when you change or the way you think change or your priorities change – it is not considered as a good thing and also not being true to yourself. Somehow I feel the whole thing about ‘be yourself’ is not true – it’s about others. People like the way you are right now so don’t change yourself. It’s like saying – be this type of a personality so that you are easy for everyone. I hear people say, oh she has changed! (including myself) – Of course I thought her behaviour changed, but in the end its her day and her life and that’s how she is feeling and its completely ok! We are constantly changing. Our personalities evolve and change (a bit for sure if not completely) over the time!

I can’t believe I’ve turned 26! There are a lot of things I’ve learned over the past few years. Sometimes I wish I had known a lot of stuff back then that I know now – but I guess life is about constant learning that includes making mistakes and learning from them and sometimes we learn the hard way. You can’t develop confidence and self-assurance without dealing with conflict situations. They make you understand yourself better – your values, who you are, what you stand for and what you want to be like. In the past two years, I think I’ve got answers to a lot of my own questions.

I’ve changed in a lot of ways I didn’t expect to. I pay more attention to my own instincts rather than depending on others to make decisions for me. There is just something about taking ownership of doing things for yourself and for others that seems to grow more important in me. Last year in particular has made me realize my passion and has motivated me to pursue in it. I hope I continue to stay motivated, evolved, to live my life with happiness, purpose and passion. I’ve created tons of beautiful memories in the past years and sometimes I can’t help but feel a little pang in my heart when I think about them. But right now, in this very moment – I feel blessed and thankful for both good and bad moments/ experiences that taught me what I needed to know and I am still learning.

I could go on about what I learned in the past year, but this is just a post to plant a seed. Think about what you have gained over the years. I still have a far road ahead of me, but I am proud of my successes as well as my failures. They make me who I am!

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Until Next Time…:)

On Being Yourself!

Not just a year older, but a year better!