Have you ever wanted to be something else other than a human? Because being a human can really suck sometimes. There are times when life sucks completely and you don’t want anything but to be someone else or elope. 2017 & 2018 were those years. All I wanted was either to be somewhere else or be someone else, life has been such has tipsy ride. These have  also been those years where I thought very low of myself in every possible way – constantly blaming myself for things, feeling that I am just flawed, constantly doubting myself, constantly feeling pressurised and stressed, feeling that I keep making mistakes and on top of that I realised hormones really do a sucky job once you turn 30! It’s been crazy, during my periods I would just start crying out of nowhere. It was such a big shock and sometime I don’t realize why I behave in a certain way. But things have changed and that does not look good, people. These two years I have been an emotional wreck to be honest. Work and a little bit of travelling is what has kept me sane most of the time. I have really tried to remind myself that these feelings won’t last – something will change. I won’t say it has but I feel better. May be I’m used to it (I hope that’s not the case, that’s just sad). I’ve become over-sensitive.  I am fully aware of that. Something that is meant to be taken lightly – I take it too seriously. I guess that’s because I constantly feel judged, like I’m being watched all the time. Whatever I say, whatever I do – I always feel I have to prove myself – All the fucking time.

I really really hope 2019 comes with better times and memories! Past two months I’ve been really strong though and been constantly trying to keep myself in good spirit and you know what has helped – the art of not giving a fuck! Hah! Yes, as cliché has it sounds, it works. Just don’t give a fuck! Because your mental health and happiness is very important. I don’t know much I can fix other things but the least I can do is keep myself stress free and happy. Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves, we tend to forget an important universal truth – no one has it all figured out and there is no point in life where we stop growing! We are all different people and we are constantly thriving to be better at our own pace! We are people after all!

 

 

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January 16, 2019

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