In junior school, I was an average student. Not too good in my studies and but I participated in a lot of other activities. I was a part of the orchestra and a marching band. Though I was never studious but I also did’t want to be someone who would want to be pin pointed. In many ways, I just wanted to be non-existent. In class I use to to pray – I hope my teacher doesn’t ask me anything. I hope she doesn’t ask me to participate or read out aloud in front of the whole class. I was very under confident. Everyone around me knew that. In high school, my English teacher use to like me and I knew it. I knew she thought of me as a good kid and someone who will never disappoint her (both in grades and behaviour) But with time I changed. I made some friends and made me feel it’s okay to break the rules. Once I missed her lecture and went out with my friends to hang around. She came to know and she was so disappointed in me. God knows how much I cried that night. I never missed a lecture again in school. I made sure I study hard and get good marks.
I was like that for a long long time. I use to care too much about what people think of me and sometimes I would do things that I won’t like or believe in otherwise. Now I keep hearing things like – be yourself. How are we suppose to be ourselves when the constant thing we do is Change! I’m sure your personality has changed since your birth. If it’s a no, you are lying! People change! People discover more and more of themselves everyday and they change. Priorities change. It’s so funny when you change or the way you think change or your priorities change – it is not considered as a good thing and also not being true to yourself. Somehow I feel the whole thing about ‘be yourself’ is not true – it’s about others. People like the way you are right now so don’t change yourself. It’s like saying – be this type of a personality so that you are easy for everyone. I hear people say, oh she has changed! (including myself) – Of course I thought her behaviour changed, but in the end its her day and her life and that’s how she is feeling and its completely ok! We are constantly changing. Our personalities evolve and change (a bit for sure if not completely) over the time!